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  • PetterJhon
    Post count: 0
    #41784 |

    Hello everyone,,
    Can’t stress this enough, this is written from a Melbourne perspective! Make sure you adhere to your city’s rules or culture!

    I’ve been reading that a lot of people hate clubbing and I think it’s because they’re not doing it right. Well, here’s a quick guide I whipped up.

    Clubbing isn’t for everyone. It’s full of the most superficial people on the planet. Fortunately, those brave enough to venture into clubs will be greeted with the easiest pick up of all time. As a resident of Melbourne, the #3 clubbing city in the world (according to my mate), clubbing was literally my only option to meet young people (18-21). Bars are full of an older crowd, so I was thrust into the world of going out every night (except Wednesday).

    As stated previously, clubs are full of the most incredibly superficial girls imaginable. You will not pick up if you don’t look good. This does not mean you should give up if you have a sub par face (I have a 4-5/10 face at best) but it does mean you need to get a gym membership, get good fitting clothes and smell amazing (important!). I was incredibly frustrated with clubbing as a skinny 18 year old nerd, but fixing the aesthetic side of things made it a lot easier. Don’t lift, buy nice clothes and smell nice “just for club girls”, do it for yourself. Looking good and feeling good are important parts of life in general, but unfortunately looking good is the defining factor in clubs.

    So, you look good, smell nice and are ready to destroy the d floor. But which club? One with your age group and your taste in music. In Melbourne on any given night there are about 30 or 40 different clubs open with a unique crowd and music. There’s the hipster one, the asian one, the wog (im wog so I can say it ok!) and the list goes on. Most of them are open on different nights and have a different age group as well. I know for a fact that one club has 18-21 year olds on Thursday and 28+ on Saturdays. Choose wisely, because if you go to an 18 year old one and you’re 26 you look like a flog, and if you’re 18 going with an older crowd you look like a cute kid.

    Who are you gonna go with though? You’ve found your club but you need your mates! The best nights I’ve had were with 2 of my best friends. The more people you have the worse it gets, you tend to all group up and dance together and it gets boring fast. Girls are great to go with, but it’s the same principal – they want to dance with you and you can’t really let them be alone. Maybe if you have 2 or 3 girls you can leave them in their own little group but eh. When you’re with your 2-3 mates though it becomes easy because you don’t care.

    So you’ve found a club with a great line up, dirty bangers and your type of crowd. You walk in and don’t know what to do. This bit’s easy – just have fun. Buy a few drinks with your mates and dance. Get j00cy and fist pump to the bangers. You don’t need to know how to dance, as long as you move your hips and move your arms around (bonus points for having nice big juicy arms). But what’s that in the distance? You spot this qt in a red dress. What do you do? Walk up to her, maintain eye contact but sexy smile and make sure you give off a fun vibe. Grab her hips or hands or w/e, gauge her interest, go in close (this is why smell is important) and say literally anything (“what’s your name?” “you look good, but can you dance?” shit like that). If she’s keen she’ll wrap her arms around your neck. If she isn’t, do it for her. If she resists, smile and walk away. If you don’t really like interaction for whatever reason, it is sort of ok to randomly grind with a girl from behind. ‘Play grinding’ is good as well, just grab her hips and if she grabs your hands you’re golden otherwise don’t bother. Ask her name or whatever in her ear, spin her around and kiss her.

    Hard bit is the group of girls or the one with the fat friend. Groups of girls obviously are harder and since you can’t talk to all of them at once you can’t win them over with your charm. What I like to do is get my mates involved. Each take a girl and it becomes 1v1. There might be a few girls left over but that’s ok, as long as the majority are taken. If you’re solo or your friend is otherwise occupied, just start dancing with one girl as if she was on her own. Issue here is that her friends will give her the nod of approval or the headshake of dismay. If you make the girl laugh and have a good time then you’ll be set. The fat friend is a lot more difficult, your friend has to take one for the team. Also, it gives you a joke to tell your girl (but be careful) you joke about your wingman not her I can’t reiterate how important it is to keep the fat friend under control. Last Thursday I was dancing/making out with a girl and as I was about whip out my phone the fat friend literally drags her away and yells “I’M GOING HOME OK YOU COMING?” Last I saw of my club princess ;__;

    Now you’re dancing with her and making out. It’s going great – stop her and ask for her number. If it’s late, perhaps you may want to go back to her or your place or if it’s early and you’re feeling cheeky have a quicky in the bathroom. Either way, get the number if you’re interested. Otherwise, just make up some excuse and pray she’s not clingy (“My mates are going, see ya” “Oh shit, just got a text my mate fell in the toilet brb”). Sometimes she may not give you her number. That’s fine, all she was looking for was a cheap club hook up. But if she felt something SPECIAL then she’ll give it to you.

    Final tip: If you’re a manlet like me, don’t bother dancing with taller girls. You’ll look ridiculous.

    And that’s pretty much a typical night walk-through. It really is easy, most of the girls are looking for a hook up. If you look good, dress well, smell nice and have an aura of confidence about you clubbing becomes almost too easy.

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